Anyone else have that one drawer or closet that they throw all their junk into to hide all their mess? You know, when you are cleaning the whole house and you are not sure what to do with some things or don’t want to deal with them so you just throw them in this one closet or drawer? I think pretty much all my drawers are considered junk drawers. I guess you could say junk drawers are my jam, but I am not too proud of that. My husband and I are pretty similar when it comes to cleaning up, we just move the mess into our junk drawers or closet until it is overflowing and it is time to reevaluate and reorganize.
Life can be kind of like this drawer or closet can’t it? Life is messy...we all know that. We all have stories in our past that have tried to define us in some way. Some of us have stories or secrets that we keep so deep inside of us that we would never want anyone to know. EVERYONE has secrets, some people are just better at hiding their secrets than others, but we alll have secrets (don’t let anyone tell you different). Most of us struggle with some form of shame because of these secrets that we hold deep inside of us, that we let hold us down.
My secret was my battle with food and my body. My over obsessive need to know how many calories were in everything, how little I could eat and still do my daily tasks, and the need to exercise for the sole reason to burn the calories. You can read more about my past here. Let’s just say, my life was pretty messy for a while. I felt lost, alone, and trapped. I struggled with wanting to talk to someone about this problem but being afraid that if I told someone that I would lose all of the control I had over my body. I held it all in, shoved it in my messy closet for me to just deal with another day. I told myself, no one else needs to hear about my problems, people don’t want to hear about the bad stuff anyways.
Sometimes we have to just deal with the mess. Sometimes we have to shuffle through all the bad stuff and all the uncomfortable stuff to get to a peaceful state, a place where we are finally set free and happy. Glennon Melton from Momastery (one of my favorite authors/bloggers of all time) talks about how we have to stop trying to numb ourselves with addictions. Whether that addiction is food, alcohol, drugs, anorexia, bulemia, or simply work or shopping; we are trying our hardest to numb the pain with some kind of addiction, something that will distract us from reality. Glennon talks about how we have to just be still. We have to sit with the discomfort and not numb it, reject it, or use it to hurt others (or ourselves). That the only way to heal is to just be still with our discomfort. The most beautiful things can come from pain, can’t they? Glennon created the perfect word that describes our life as Brutiful...because life can be so beautiful and so brutal all at the same time and sometimes you just have to go through the brutal to get to the beautiful.
What is the next thing we have to do after we have acknowledged the mess and dealt with the pain? We find a friend and tell them all our dirty little secrets. There is something about telling your story that makes it so freeing. I mean what if we all didn’t have secrets? What if we just told everyone everything? What if we never held any thought in and blurted out exactly how we felt or what we were thinking? This could be scary and beautiful all at the same time. I used to have this fear that people could actually hear what I was thinking...I don’t know if I want everyone to know every little thought in my head because they may never want to speak to me again. Sooo maybe we don’t want to share every thought, but what if we finally opened up about our messy life and let someone in to help?
I spent so many years having a battle over food and my weight in my mind. I never told anyone and tried my best not to let people know that I had a problem. Pretending to be fine is hard though isn’t it? So eventually I realized I had had enough pretending and I decided to open up. Once I finally talked about it to someone it was as if this huge weight was lifted off of me and I finally felt FREE!!! I didn’t feel alone anymore. And you know what else??? When you tell someone your problems and let someone in, you may just find that they have problems of their own that they needed to get out...that you may not be the only messy human being on this planet. PRAISE THE LORD to that, my friends. We are not alone. We are NEVER alone.
Whatever your deep, dark secret is...TELL SOMEONE! You don’t have to blast it on the internet like I have done (talk about taking it to the next level haha). You don’t even have to tell all your friends if you don’t want to, just find one person that you trust and open up to them. It is time to let go of the shame that you hold deep inside. Let go of the guilt. JUST LET GO and let people in so that you can finally be free! Being vulnerable to tell your story is scary but it may lead to something beautiful!