I need to be totally honest with you. I have been struggling lately. Struggling with anxiety, comparison, and with focusing too much on my past. A few weeks ago I decided to take a big leap of faith and cut back on my hours as a clinical dietitian so that I can pursue my passion to have my own growing private practice. I have been consulting with clients and blogging as my little side hustle for a while now but I am finally ready to take on more and pursue it as a more full-time gig.
Isn’t it funny that when you decide to do something that you know deep down is the right thing to do there is always that rush of fear and anxiety? In my case, my fear was disguised as a big ugly monster throwing all my past failures in my face. Every single morning for the past week I have awakened at least an hour before I needed to with a jolt of anxiety and memories of all the things I have tried but never really succeeded at before. All the things that I have not followed through with or had the opportunity but never really took it. Every single failed memory comes rushing to my brain and then all the anxiety sets in and the feeling of never succeeding feels all so real.
I started remembering things dating back to my middle school days where I started making and selling purses at school (I was an Entrepreneur before I even knew what that word meant) but then the pressure of getting school work done and making those purses in time was too much for me so I quit the purse business pretty quickly.
We have been going through a series in church called “Day In The Life” that has really been hitting home. The past three weeks we have been talking about the difference between the word Chronos and Kairos. Chronos meaning time itself and Kairos meaning the moments inside of time. It has been about living in Kairos, in the moment of every day and not about hurrying through time to get to a place in your life that you think you need to be or in my case, not looking back into time and focusing on the past that we can’t change. It is not about wishing we had a baby now or a ridiculously successful business, but about taking in the current moment and learning from what is happening RIGHT NOW.
This past Sunday in the series, we talked about using the gifts that God has given us for His purpose in our present situations. God has given us all DIFFERENT gifts to work with and He wants us to work together for His good. God has given me the skills, the knowledge, and the confidence to take this big giant leap. He knows that all those past opportunities that I see as failures are actually just back roads that have led me to where I am right now.
I want to live in Kairos. I CHOOSE to live in Kairos. I choose to live in the now. I choose to live in every moment and for the purpose of doing good for the Lord and for others.
Do you struggle with these same fears or something like it? What holds you back from doing what you want to do? Do you have an ugly monster shoving the past in your face or putting a mask of failure over your eyes? I know I can’t be completely alone in this and I refuse to let my fears swallow me whole.
Let’s punch fear and anxiety in the face. This crazy, sometimes stressful life wants to take control of us but lets not let it. Let’s live in the now. Let’s keep our head up and forward, our feet firmly on the ground, and live in every little moment of EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.